Self Improvement Advice from the Devil
Posted on 26. Nov, 2007 by DeanHunt in Self Improvement
The Internet is full of self improvement advice. You can’t browse a blog these days without someone telling you how you should be living your life.
If you want to improve yourself, check out this great post about 1000 things to do before you die. If you can’t affort to do all the things you want, then learn how to make money online.
Well it is about time we shook things up a little…
Allow me to introduce to you: Self Improvement Advice from the Devil
1 – Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
2 – Half the people you know are below average.
3 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
4 – 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5 – A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
6 – A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
7 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
8 – If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
9 – Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
10 – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
11 – Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
12 – Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
13 – I intend to live forever……so far, so good.
14 – Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
15 – If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
16 – A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
17 – Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
18 – The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
19 – The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
62 Responses to “Self Improvement Advice from the Devil”
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November 27, 2007
[...] at the risk of making this Dean Hunt week, here is his article about self improvement from the devil. - and all the details on how it is spreading across the [...]
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November 28, 2007
Self Improvement Advice from the Devil…
1 – Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
2 – Half the people you know are below average…. -
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November 29, 2007
[...] Advice from the devil – This is a fantastic post that everyone should read. Has a great listing of advice and thoughts from the “devil”. Worth a read at lunchtime while you’re sitting in a cubicle, trust me! [...]
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December 2, 2007
[...] seems to be one heck of a depressed devil. The full list of 19 (is that some evil number?) snippets of damned wisdom. I guess i’ll file it under [...]
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December 2, 2007
[...] read more | digg story [...]
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December 4, 2007
[...] Now for some humor from Retired at 21 [...]
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Rick Bankson
26. Nov, 2007
This is great!! Love these great pieces of advice from the devil. Whoever wrote these is brilliant. I’d love to read more
Rick
Ben
26. Nov, 2007
Wow…. very entertaining Dean… you never let us down
Joshua
26. Nov, 2007
Clever Dean…
Michael Dunlop
26. Nov, 2007
Great advice Dean, keep it up!
Chris
27. Nov, 2007
Very clever post – thanks for the laugh.
how about this to add to the list
- the easiest person to lie to is yourself
or
- the fastest way to succees is to fail fast
Izabael DaJinn
27. Nov, 2007
As a Goetic-demoness I give this list my seal of approval.
Innovation Catalyst
27. Nov, 2007
No. 7 is indeniably true.
Early bird/first mouse – Madame Curie. Worm/Mousetrap – Radium. Second mouse – General Electric.
james
27. Nov, 2007
Many thanks for the Self Improvement Advice from the Devil piece, it put a smile on my face and made me wish for more. I hope you will add more to the list in the future. The truly funny thing is that a lot of it actually makes sense.
Peter
27. Nov, 2007
Haha… these are classic.
sharon
27. Nov, 2007
Seriously interestinggggggg
M Sathish
27. Nov, 2007
Heil The Devil
Judy
27. Nov, 2007
LuV’d it! Wanted to subscribe but browser quit working. Kudos.
Rebecca
27. Nov, 2007
Tsk, Tsk! Devil, this is very bad advice. Reigning in Hell has you completely out of touch with the human world, eh? If only I weren’t too lazy to teach you a lesson…
Nick The Geek
27. Nov, 2007
Hahahahahahaaa …
Dean does it again …
Superb!
The Devil
27. Nov, 2007
Thanks for the mention !
Great article
Michael
27. Nov, 2007
Well that’s one for chuckle of the day.
Great post,even though some aren’t totally original, I still laughed out loud at lease twice.
Great stuff.
Michael.
the forester
27. Nov, 2007
“A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.”
Love this one — quite profound.
Jesse
27. Nov, 2007
You must be a Todd Snider fan, Lou(cifer)…. Todd mentioned in one of his songs that approximately that percentage of stats are indeed made up on the spot.
Kudos!
eyeofthetiger
27. Nov, 2007
Love Jesus, love porkchops.
Logan
27. Nov, 2007
This is an utterly bland list. It belongs in a photocopied Iowan hand-distributed community gazette beside an image of the ‘Hang In There’ cat, acres of clip art, and an article about how to switch on a computer.
Mark
27. Nov, 2007
Call yourself the Devil? The problem with the gene pool is that there are too many lifeguards, in my opinion…
bmunch
27. Nov, 2007
Hi Devil,
Can I sell my soul to you? It’s only about 2 bucks and maybe a self improvement eBook from you.
ontarian_frog
27. Nov, 2007
Umm #2 is wrong. The average is not the exact middle. The median is. Extremes affect averages which would mean that if you take IQ tests for example, very dumb people will lower the score, hence make more people above average.
The median never lies. It is always the middle, that’s why they call it a median.
Tryptomine
27. Nov, 2007
“It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.” -Homer Simpson
Just seemed to fit in.
Jerlyn
27. Nov, 2007
certainly brilliant!
Mike
27. Nov, 2007
What the other commenters fail to realize is that these quotes have been around for many many years. Dean didn’t write them – he only collected 19 of them.
Interwebhunt
27. Nov, 2007
That was a great posting. I personally love number 9.
eeyore
27. Nov, 2007
“Advice from the Devil” = “Chuck Norris Facts for Pessimists”
Abhishek
27. Nov, 2007
Great list Mr.Devil. Would definitely love to get a few more words of advice. Abhishek
Mike Porter
27. Nov, 2007
on statistics:
9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
on medians:
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who do not.
Kick Butt Radio
28. Nov, 2007
“The light at the end of the tunnel – is probably a train coming in the opposite direction.”
“Things are usually darkest – right before they go totally black!”
Rick Butts
http://www.KickButtRadio.com
Mohan
28. Nov, 2007
One from me, Dean!
To get rich fast (thanks to a newly discovered African ancestor!), open a Gmail account….
penny
28. Nov, 2007
Look up Proverbs from Hell in
” The Marriage of Heaven and Hell” by William Blake.
It’s much better.
Still, these are good.
Chip
28. Nov, 2007
I had a good laugh reading all these advice. Great, man, just great.
Perp
28. Nov, 2007
Nice one, as usual, Dean! Great lsit!
Someone
28. Nov, 2007
well, let me try and creat one for my self; you never know maybe one day someone will write a post in his golb “blog, but 20 years later
”
My door never feels the same anymore; oops I’m in my neighbor’s house – Someone
Manoj
28. Nov, 2007
I love all mankind but its people I can’t stand
Quinton
28. Nov, 2007
“If at first you don’t succeed, Lower your standards then proceed.” Quinton Brower c. 1999. Words to live by.
Don Veto
29. Nov, 2007
Great advice, thanks for shareing.
Neil Duckett
29. Nov, 2007
Great post Dean, tremendous results too.
Bob
30. Nov, 2007
The only one of these that is actually a piece of advice is #1…
Michael Weir
01. Dec, 2007
Positively devilish (and funny).
Martyn
01. Dec, 2007
Some of these are one wave short of a ship wreck!
Jacky
02. Dec, 2007
Surely I will keep this article to my favorate folder!!!
Zunzara
02. Dec, 2007
2.7.8.9 are brilliant, others are not so unique. . .
will
05. Dec, 2007
for ontarian_frog
averages is a broad term which encompasses mean, median and mode (perhaps IQR, SD, Sr etc). therefore the meaning is generally down to the context, which in this case is very obvious.
but great post.. very homer (simpson) -esque.
marcus vinicius
05. Dec, 2007
Hello Dean,
I’m the guy from Brazil,
Thank’s a lot about your visit in my site, and I expect bring your ideas from portuguese more times.
Y usted habla español! Que rico!
Hugs from Brazil.
Marcus
Fruitloop
07. Dec, 2007
What a great list! Thanks for sharing it
somebody
10. Dec, 2007
LMAO
stevo
19. Dec, 2007
re: #2 In defense of Dean there are several types of average including mean and median. Dean referred to neither. He said “average”, (unless he edited it later)
Bryan
22. Dec, 2007
Ahh, Wise words to live by, haha! Awesomeness
John Smith
22. Dec, 2007
Great discoveries!
Raj
17. Feb, 2008
This list sure sounds satanic !
Benedict Manovill
26. Feb, 2008
Very funny, Dean – especially that image of the gleeful devil.
All the best,
Benedict
Self-improvement
04. Mar, 2008
Excellent! Even if it’s funny but you’ll make yourself think of it. I like number 1 it’s really true.
Cheers
-Jan
Self improvement essentials
19. Jun, 2010
Very funny and insightful!
Great post!
Bruno